"...in spite of everything he's ever said or done, he's actually in favor of healthcare." The Onion's take on last night's "State" of the "Union" address, which came off to me as more of a "Conjecture" of the "Elites." My personal favorite bits:

1. Thundering about how "America never needs a permission slip to defend itself from foreign enemies" [translation: F*ck you, France and Germany, I won't do what you tell me!], just moments after wedging the U.N. into a line about Iraq, something like "Now the U.S. will work with the U.N. and other nations to bring stability to the region." Did he think nobody would notice? Or are we're suddenly buddies with the U.N. again?

2. Cutting from the utterly non sequitur rant about steroid use in professional sports directly to Tom Brady sitting in the gallery! WTF?!

3. The many shots of a volcanic Ted Kennedy, looking like he would pop a rivet in his temple, he was so filled with rage over the torrent of lies about Medicare and those "personal health savings accounts" (i.e. privatization) and other anti-socialized-medicine rhetoric.

4. Laugh-out-loud lines like "The fundamental strengths of our economy have been revealed" ["Yeah, by the economic destruction wrought by your trillion-dollar deficit!"]; "The U.S. and all nations who love freedom are much safer now that Saddam Hussein is in custody" ["...and not down in his Danger Hole"]; and of course, the brilliantly evil, Rovian masterstroke of throwing the whole gay marriage issue back on Clinton, since he signed the "Defense of Marriage Act," and then giving the Christian fascists something to cheer about by actually endorsing a constitutional amendment proposal: "In some states [i.e. Massachusetts, I'm looking at you, liberal filth!] the courts are changing the definitions of marriage without the consent of the elected representatives of the people, and that leaves no recourse but the Constitution to protect this sacred institution." Ha ha ha ha! Oh wait, he's not kidding. Ouch.

5. Dick Cheney knocking a glass of water all over W.'s suit as they shook hands at the end of the speech. Priceless.

UPDATE, TOO LATE: We'll have to play Will Durst's State of the Union Drinking Game next year, dang.