7.21.2004

It's time for a few Lunchtime Sightings:

1.  On the back of my snack cracker box, the following plaintive slogan: "Triscuit fills you.  But not with regret!"  Written by the Tennessee Williams of Nabisco, to highlight Reduced Fat Triscuits' lack of sugar, saturated fat and trans-fat, and wealth of "whole grain fiber."  Pure desperation.  They do get a point, however, for proper use of the "Triscuit" trademark -- they're not "Triscuits," they're Triscuit(R)  brand crackers.  Thus, "Triscuit fills you," not "Triscuits fill you."  Isn't I.P. grand?

2.  In the checkout line of the Bedford Stop & Shop, a full page tabloid headline shrieking, "Jennifer Aniston's Miscarriage!  The pain of loss -- How Brad comforted her."  Appalling.  If there's anything that's nobody's business, it's a couple's fertility status.  What possible purpose can it serve to publicly humiliate people like this?  I know that Hollywood is baby-crazy these days, but do the editors of the Enquirer really think it's OK to spy on every e.p.t. test stick in Tinseltown?  To me, this sinks even below the level of "Photos from Laci & Conner's autopsy report!" and "JonBenet's Dad Confesses in Secret Diary!"  I can't believe I'm writing this, but I feel sorry for Jennifer Aniston.

3.  Purchased at the Bedford Stop & Shop: one 2-liter bottle of something called Stop & Shop brand Dr. Bob soda.  I take it as a lame Dr. Pepper imitator...though who knows?  I recall Star Market used to carry a President's Choice store brand soda called Dr. Smooth -- I drank many bottles of it over ice during the sweltering summer of 1995.  Also witnessed in the Stop & Shop: Stouffer's frozen entree of Welsh Rarebit; SpongeBob Squarepants "Bubbleberry" flavored Pop Tarts, frosted with sickening blue icing and multicolored sugar shapes of SpongeBob and pals; and I noticed that right next to the salad bar, so close you have to squeeze by to get to the salad, they've placed a table full of mini-cupcakes and a small refrigerator unit with individual strawberry shortcakes.  So, so wrong.

3 comments:

Nathaniel said...

Regarding Jennifer Aniston: you are assuming, of course, that Mr & Mrs. Pitt are trying to get pregnant in the first place. I wouldn't put it past TNE et al to invent storylines for these celebrities. It's almost easier to start fictions from scratch than to distort the truth.

These store-brand knockoffs sometimes throw into sharp relief how peculiar brand names can be. Dr. Bob may be a weird name for a soda, but Dr. Pepper only sounds normal 'cuz it's been around for eons. Would you buy a soda named Dr. Salt?

emily said...

The sad thing is, I *do* know JA & BP are trying to conceive, because that's blabbed all over the tabloids too. When she left "Friends" it was all over the place that she pushed up the shooting schedule to the end of 2003 b/c Brad was "angry" that they had delayed starting a family too long, and she admitted in interviews that's what she wanted to do too. Sigh.

On the soda note, I'd drink Dr. Paprika, wouldn't you?

Anonymous said...

I used to have the label from a knock-off called "Dr. Smooth" - the best!