I missed an ehhhxcellent Friday Five last week, so I believe I'll foist it on you all now:

If you...

1. ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve? I'd love to run a real-life "Homesick Restaurant," where there's no menu and each customer is given what they most long to eat.

2. ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell? One guess.

3. ...wrote a book, what genre would it be? Is "new American darkly comedic genius novel" a genre? Sort of like this, or this, or this.

4. ...ran a school, what would you teach? Community service and critical thinking: everything else is formula and trivia.

5. ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it? Hmmm...I think this is a trick question. I can't imagine recording myself singing or playing an instrument...but I would love to produce a record of covers by my favorite bands, so I'd get to meet them. I think, for example, U2 is nearing the age of a "tribute" record, no?