6.02.2004

"Let's Not Get It On" -- You can always count on The Onion A.V. Club; this week's issue features a rundown of the Least Erotic Moments in Cinema, in other words, bad sex scenes. They picked a number of great ones, especially "The Ice Storm" and "The Cooler," which Nat fully explicated to me after he saw it (*shudder*). I would add to this list:

1. "Breaking The Waves" -- The entire film. Twisted, tragic tale of mentally challenged wife forced to prostitute herself by alcoholic, paraplegic husband. Oh yeah, that's hot.

2. "The Sweet Hereafter" -- The candlelit hayloft seduction scene between teenaged Sarah Polley and the older guy we soon come to realize is in fact her father. :-0

3. "Mission Impossible 2" -- Tom Cruise is revealed as the sun-spotted, wrinkly 40-something he truly is next to Thandie Newton's nubile form. Sad.

Hmmm, this whole enterprise begs the question, what are the Most Erotic scenes? I'd vote for Chloe Sevigny and Hilary Swank in "Boys Don't Cry," and maybe the pantry scene in "The English Patient." Mmmmm, pantry.

3 comments:

Nathaniel said...

Two Emma Thompson boink-fests spring to mind: Thompson and Jeff Goldblum destroy an apartment together in "The Tall Guy";
Emma gets laid below deck on a sailboat in "Carrington"; ("Below deck" is *not* a euphemism- it's really below deck on a sailboat.)

emily said...

Honey, those are both movies I have not seen! You rogue! :P

Nathaniel said...

"The Tall Guy" is Richard Curtis's first screenplay, a quality Brit rom-com. Goldblum is an actor who ends up as the lead in a musical version of The Elephant Man, entitled "Elephant!" Rowan Atkinson is in it too:
-----
Rowan: Listen, is there something troubling you? Something that you would like to talk to someone about?
Jeff: Well, yes, as a matter of fact there is...
Rowan: Then for fuck's sake talk to someone about it, will you? And sort it out before I sack you and hire a lobotomized monkey to play your role. Okay?