Matchstick Rockets! -- Not a bad band name, an actual science project! Dude! I am going to try this at home...tonight! I need to extend my repertoire beyond teabag rockets...

"That baseball has got to go." -- Cubs fans will try anything, I guess.

"Although it displays a solid vocabulary, Mr. Hemingway's essay lacks specific examples and clear topic sentences." -- How would Shakespeare, Gertrude Stein, and other literary giants do on the SAT essay section? (If you, like me, matriculated college before the mid-90's, you were mercifully exempt from this, heh heh.) Probably not too well -- more proof that genius is essentially anti-authoritarian, or that Americans are slavishly teaching to the test?

There's no Friday Five today, folks, so instead I'm poaching an Oscars Weekend concept from Nat's blog -- let's call it, Name That Generically Encapsulated Movie! Those who have digital cable will recognize the stilted grammar and bizarre plot abbreviations from the on-screen viewing guide. See if you can guess which movies I'm referring to here -- post your guesses in the comments, and I'll put up the answers on Monday. :-) UPDATE: Answers Below!
1. World-weary bartender follows her old flame to N.Africa, after he borrows her inheritance.
Raiders of the Lost Ark

2. Newly divorced mom worries when her young son disappears with a strange new friend on Halloween.
E.T.

3. Whimsical adventures of homebodies on a European road trip.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

4. Family tale of elementary teacher whose most timid student flees the school and is kidnapped.
Finding Nemo

5. Story of difficult father and his son, who rebels by destroying home and car with help from wacky friends.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Behold, the Oscars gift bags -- the secret economy of deluxe party favors, exposed. Whether you win or not, it seems everyone's lining up to shower you with baubles you should pretty much be able to afford yourself, movie stars...