Ripofficus Luckycharmium -- Behold, the Cheap-Ass Cereal Hall of Fame. I hereby nominate these, in Berry Medley flavor, my current frugal fave.

"Who made you the jumpsuit police?" This is by far the best link of 2005 -- a huge collection of B-movie posters and lobby cards, from such classics as Night of the Blood Beast, The She-Devil, and the MST3K favorite, This Island Earth, starring Rex Reason. YES! Thank you, Mr. Sun.

Are apostrophes really necessary? -- They can have my Warriner's grammar book when they pry it from my cold, dead English major hands!

"Stating the punch line implicit in a Monty Python joke is like adding a slap bass solo to 'Yesterday.'" -- Slate writer Sam Anderson whines that Spamalot is an anti-Python "revue of cliches" never should have won the Best Musical Tony award. Lighten up, buddy -- there was a Killer Rabbit puppet onstage! What more do you want?

Boston: the discomfort zone? -- Globe profile of Tiffany Dufu, a bright young professional who recently moved from Seattle to Boston with her husband, who's getting his MBA from MIT. Sounds like a typical post-grad couple in this town -- except that they're black, and she has some reservations about starting a family here, where racial animus, class consciousness, and good old provincialism lurk just under the cobblestones. Or do they? Yes, sometimes they do. The lack of diversity in this town (not including transient college and grad students) is something I think about quite a bit, and it frustrates me no end that I really have no solution, except that Tiffany and a thousand more families like hers need to stay here, move into the burbs, send their kids to public school, etc. for any change to take place. Tall order.

Mrs. Kennedy parts with some stuff -- one of my favorite bloggers got a tip from a friend: instead of hanging on to junk with sentimental value when you move, take a photo of it and give the junk away! Now why didn't I think of that? Her junk is a bit more interesting than mine, though.

Ay de mi -- a whole week has gone by from my last post! Well, that's what happens when you move from Watertown to Arlington, people. One long Saturday, three movers, a 24' truck, one row of discarded movie theater seats that a certain someone just can't part with, and about 75 boxes labeled "Kitchen," "Study," and "Random Crap" later, we have a new home. We also have crabbiness and exhaustion, and had to take showers the first night without a shower curtain, d'oh! But hey, we now live around the corner from this place, site of our second date and home of the finest ribs in the Northeast, bar none. And now I can smell them from my pillow each and every morning...hmmmm.

That is one psychedelic carpet. No, it's not a jam band album cover, nor a forgotten work of DayGlo 70's acrylic art. It's the carpeting in the new Wynn Las Vegas resort -- you know, the understated, ultra-chic, un-neon one. Hmmm. Enjoy a whole Gallery of Casino Carpet Patterns -- if you've ever been to a casino, you know the reason for this collection. (via Kottke)

Admit it, you loved my Ticket Stub Haikus -- and you are in luck today:

* Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants:
Don't laugh, chick flick snobs!
Sweet, fresh, funny, moving, real.
Could be much, much worse.

* The Interpreter:
Sloppy direction,
Earnest acting. A sleeper,
not in a good way.

* Cinderella Man:
Paul G.'s the real star.
Russell's great, Renee OK.
Ron Howard's best film.

Here's today's installment in the Let's Feel Really Fucking Old file: Madonna's on the cover of Ladies Home Journal. I did a triple-take when I saw this on my coworker's desk. Oh Madge, we hardly knew ye...

"The Worst Best Friends in Hollywood" -- that would be Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, of course. Juicy Slate article tells all about the sibling-esque rivalry between the popcorn titans. I am a much bigger fan of Spielberg, and would gladly swim across the volcano in Revenge of the Sith in order to see War of the Worlds, so there.

Russell Crowe making banana cake -- well, not really. Another celebrity snacking sendup by the inimitable Amateur Gourmet.

"We've made a transition where attending college is no longer a privilege and an honor; instead college is a consumer product. One of the negative aspects of this transition is that the role of a college-level teacher has been transformed into that of a service employee." -- Ouch. That's how you get rampant grade inflation and undergraduates who harrass their professors into boosting their B+ to an A-. After my first professorial stint last fall, I got into a semantic discussion with one student about the relative meanings of "meritorious" vs. "superior" work, i.e. "Suck it up, you're above average!" Sheesh.

"Work Clothes" -- one of the amazing Quilts of Gee's Bend, made of denim and corduroy in one of Alabama's living folkways traditions. And on view this summer at the MFA, right here in Boston. I am there!

It's time for a roundup of Random Sightings & Observations -- everybody's favorite!

1. In the back window of a Silver Passat wagon in the Bedford Library parking lot, I saw a lavender "baby on board"-type sign, except this one read "HONK IF YOU SCRAPBOOK!" It was expertly handmade, i.e. laser printed and laminated, I presume, by the driver.

2. On a beat-up Nissan Sentra in the parking lot of Not Your Average Joe's, Arlington, the following bumper sticker: "I Still Miss My Ex, But My Aim Is Improving." Not sure which is more disturbing: the possibility that a man drives this car, or the fact that I assumed a woman did.

3. A little brown and yellow bird flew in front of my car in Belmont. The feathers were so bright I almost clunked into the car in front of me, trying to get a better look. It might be one of these?

4. On last night's much ballyhooed Red Sox edition of Queer Eye, almighty catcher and captain Jason Varitek was referred to, so very rightly, as "Quadzilla." Yes!

5. Nat's friends Meg & Adam welcomed their son Jacob to the world on Monday afternoon -- congratulations! Not only for delivering a healthy 10+ pounder, but for going classic with his name. According to the internet, Jacob has been a Top 5 popular name for over a decade, but that doesn't diminish its Old Testament solidity. He joins an eclectic list of my friends in the Under 5 set: Lucinda, Torrance, Spencer, Cooper, Andres & Alejandro (soon to be joined by Tomas), Aden, Isaac, Hadley, Samantha & Olivia, Romeo, Rebecca, Grant, Anna, Richard (known as Trey), and of course my future nephews-in-law (ahem) Pocket and Bastian. Yes, really.

"What sort of loophole in the law allows restaurants to sell wack-tasting fish as crab?" -- Oh, Keith Knight, I wish I knew. I've enjoyed some transcendently authentic crabcakes in my day, but I guiltily admit to enjoying a nice fake California roll, too.

"Depicting masculine American whiteness in various states of crisis, his characters generally enact complex postmodern agencies; they are never wholly coherent, they are often self-destructive, and they generally rely on a certain amount of play -- between stability and instability, between life and death, between autonomy and alter-dependency, between control and abandon." -- That would be Brad Pitt, ladies and gentlemen. Submit your postmodern paper proposals today!

"Will milk be made available to us?" -- If these words mean anything to you, click here and prepare to feel really fucking old.

I've been tagged by Kim, and by extension Eva, to continue their 10 Things I've Never Done meme -- voila!

Never been to New Zealand
Never rode an upside-down rollercoaster
Never eaten bugs (intentionally)
Never water-skied
Never run for President
Never liked audience participation
Never been to a mosque
Never donated blood
Never smoked any substance, ever
Never bought land on the moon

Hmm, I jsut realized how long this list could potentially be ... and it makes me seem so dull and law-abiding!

Somehow "The Death Topiary" just doesn't sound very sinister... Enjoy today's ? du Jour.

M u l t i -Ticket Stub -- In the interest of saving space, and, heck, for my own Friday amusement, I'm going to deliver comments on my last several ticketed experiences using the Haiku Review format.

* Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith:

Good battles, but the
Dialogue and climax? Weak.
And yet, I'd watch more.

* Southwest Airlines:

No wonder it's so
Cheap: no assigned seats! WTF?
Still, it beats driving.

* Take Me Out at SpeakEasy Stage Co.:

Bull Durham crossed with
Kiss of the Spider Woman.
But it works. Really!

For you locals, here's the latest bulletin for the "Only In Somerville" file -- during the city's Memorial Day parade, the staff of upstart online rag The Somerville News played a sly joke on city politicos. Earlier in May, a city employee named Frankie Santangelo was reprimanded for illegally using city property to store his boat. The News parade float was a boat, the Miss Somerville, outfitted with a sign: "This is not Frankie's boat." Har har. Until Mayor Joe "No Snow" Curtatone got wind of it, and sent a motorcycle cop to make them take it down. Talk about prior restraint of the press!

Three simple words for you fans of tasty Mexican snacks and the Red Sox -- David Ortiz Salsa.

"A Day At The Brain Spa" -- Would you give your kid a drug that helped her learn to play the piano? The (dystopian?) future of neuropharmacology is already here, folks.